So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
