I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
