woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize