there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you had me at cake vodka
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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