what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
