i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
