You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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