just tell him i said nine months
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
