He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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