i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
