ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
