they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
