Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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