i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
