I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
