garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
