You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
