Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
