I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
