I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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