Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
