dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
