I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize