A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize