This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
