There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
