I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
