He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
