You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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