Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
