I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
