Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
