I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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