My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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