a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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