Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
