She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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