alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i think im in europe. pls send help
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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