he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it was like eating out sand paper
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
