So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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