I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
