yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
