glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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