SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
