wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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