never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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