dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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