She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
