tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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