About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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