haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize