Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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