So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize