Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My ATM looks so different sober.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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