Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
