dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
