We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
