Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize