Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
