My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
