I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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