I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
