He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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