Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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