I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
