i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
