he shaved USA in his pubs
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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