Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
