Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
