I want to make a zoo with you.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
