so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize