well I can't set my house on fire every night
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
