party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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