I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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