we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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