a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
