I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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