omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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