Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
