You're completely useless in the revolution.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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