dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
