i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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