pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
