Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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