i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
