He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
