I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
