I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
