True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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