I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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