This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
