I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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