I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
