I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
