R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
