I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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