so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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