just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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