Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
