by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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