Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
