Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize