Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
