I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
