Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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