sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
