I swear she didn't look like that last week.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
