grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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