Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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