Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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