no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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