Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
