I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
