Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
