I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
