We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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