just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize