I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The air taste purple.
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