If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I wear drunk well.
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