I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
